classified relationship data · 01

For Touqa's eyes only.

A highly confidential report concerning two idiots, one braincell, and an alarming amount of snacks.

Security level: emotionally compromised · Access granted only to the birthday girl
Touqa ♥ Mohamed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOUQA · live report · status: obsessed

Touqa & Mohamed:
two idiots,
one braincell.

A completely objective, peer-reviewed overview of our relationship. The data is questionable. The love is undoubtedly real. Happy birthday, my love.

Touqa and Mohamed holding hands
✦
⌁
01 / hard evidence

The couple scoreboard

The numbers have been carefully rounded, emotionally audited, and absolutely not invented five minutes ago.

Arguments won
(Touqa, always right)⚖
100%
Meals
together🍟
∞
Plans
cancelled☁
99+
Movies
slept through☾
31
02 / field notes

Our story, allegedly.

A timeline of key incidents in the ongoing investigation into why we keep choosing each other.

01
The Discord incident

“Enjoy the shit ✨”

The screenshot that started the case. One very unserious message, one very serious chain reaction, and thus started, THE LOOOOOOOOOORE (one fart joke at a time).

The Discord chat message that started the relationship
02
First meeting

“PLATONICALLY.”

A Romaantic date, I mean, PLATONIC meet up at the graveyard, then a walk through Cairo, and an unbelievable urge to hold your pretty hands.

Touqa and Mohamed meeting for the first time
03
First date / major plot twist

Our first date, who could’ve seen this one coming.

First date energy: suspiciously lovely. Also the day I told you I loved you for the first time. Subtle? Not really. Correct? Extremely.

Touqa and Mohamed on their first date
04
Second date

“Oh. This is becoming a thing.”

Still trying to pretend this was casual but, we both knew from the very beginning, it has been very real.

Touqa and Mohamed on their second date
05
Arcade & Korean BBQ

All-you-can-eat: we took that personally.

Our strategy was simple: “get our money’s worth..” followed by nearly passing out in the process. A flawless operation.

Touqa and Mohamed at the arcade
06
Fulatism, together

What’s better than fulatism? Fulatism TOGETHER.

A wonderful day walking around, having one HEAVY breakfast, then “playing board games” until the end of the day. Loved every minute, being vulnerable together. I couldn’t ask for a better partner <3.

Touqa enjoying breakfast on a day out together
07
Green team energy

Love getting stronger every day.

Both in green, both flashing peace signs, both somehow getting even more adorable. The evidence is extremely convincing.

Touqa and Mohamed wearing green and making peace signs
08
IKEA, somehow

Back where we started. This time non-platonically.

Looking for inspiration for our future home together, for some reason. Just a completely normal thing for two people who are definitely not building a little life together.

Touqa and Mohamed at IKEA
09
The great sword fight

A battle of honour. A swordfight if you will.

I only hope you don’t have a bigger sword.

Touqa holding a toy sword during a playful sword fight
10
Latest date / pizza diplomacy

Holding hands, making pizza, being right.

The latest date: a very romantic table, homemade pizza, and my unquestionably superior method. Mine was horrendous. Still, love won.

Touqa and Mohamed holding hands over a dining table
∞
Now / forever

“To be continued…”

Still weird. Still in love. Still trying out new food places together. The next chapter is a cliffhanger, but the current evidence suggests it’s forever and ever.

Touqa smiling in green
♥
Final scientific conclusion:

Mohamed loves Touqa an unreasonable amount. Touqa is objectively the best thing that ever happened to Mohamed. Further studies are unnecessary. Happy birthday, my love.